I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
