you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
