would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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