I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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