no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize