I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
