she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
