Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
