Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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