very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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