i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
