the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
