People in love make me want to vomit
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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