i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
