He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize