Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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