True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
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I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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