You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
