So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
