On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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