So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
