Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
