The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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