I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
