ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
