I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
