Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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