i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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