you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
