Who wears a wallet chain?!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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