Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
