dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
