Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
