The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
