Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
