I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
