Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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