There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
