i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
