The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
