I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
