if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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