all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
