so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
why is half of my head shaved?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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