Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
