I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize