This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
