I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
