What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
