you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
