So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
