I'm so fucking centered right now
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
