Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
two words: eviction party
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
