Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it because I queefed?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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