You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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