I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
