Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
