glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
