Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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