so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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