Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
